If you keep up with my Facebook status (or remember my weakness for awesome heels that define ‘beauty=pain’), you’ll have an idea that I really wanted to rock some heels and a skirt at least ONE day of these sales conferences. Well, today was the day. I had absolutely no problem in my cute little kitten heels until the end of the day when I decided the wise course of action would be to take the subway the fifty or so blocks between my meeting and my hotel.

This, of course, sounds completely logical. Subway 50 blocks vs. walking 50 blocks? No brainer. My feet would thank me.

Or not.

Believe it or not, this post isn’t even really about my feet. Don’t get me wrong, they are in pain. But I’ve already written about my feet. And while they are fascinating and unique, the story wouldn’t be all that different from last time. Blah blah, walking, blah blah, standing, blah blah, blisters… you know how it goes. No, this isn’t that sort of post. It’s a bit more complicated than that.

I stepped on to the wrong E train tonight. I knew I should have stopped in the doorway and turned around when I saw puddles of water on the floor of the subway car, and in some of the plastic seats. That can never be a good sign. But there were people in there, so on I got.

The moment the train starting pulling away, it began to rain in one corner of this subway car. Very, very close to where I was standing. Keep in mind, I’ve spent all day at an art publisher’s new title presentation, where “surrealism” is a frequently used term. Needless to say, this was a very surreal moment, and I recognized the beauty of that image. Especially as this rain didn’t fall or splash on me.

And then the train started to slow down. That’s when a surreal moment turned very real. Yes, I got “rained” on. No, I don’t know for sure if it was rain. And if it was just rain, I was WELL underground (the E is like 3 flights below the street at that point) AND inside a subway car, so it was likely some seriously nasty rain. Ew.

But I was committed to this train ride, and in all honesty, it brought me out of my shell. I stayed sort of  huddled in my corner (where it hadn’t rained, but was definitely in the splash zone) as the rest of the car was filled to the brim and I warned oncoming passengers at each stop that they shouldn’t stand in certain spots unless they wanted to get wet. I was friendly, and I know they appreciated it. It surprised me that no one else warned people, even people who had been on the train when I arrived never said anything about where not to stand. That is rude.

Anyway, that wasn’t the end of my troubles. From the E, I had to transfer onto the 6 to get back to my hotel. Usually, the signage is quite good at these stations, but I had a hard, hard time finding the 6 from the E at 53rd and Lexington. I went up three flights of stairs (NOT an escalator, blurgh) in my heels, with my briefcase/bag on my shoulder and my skirt beginning to be more of a bother than an asset… {Allow me to also state that at least twice in my journey upward, the heel of my shoe caught on the lip of the stair and was yanked from my foot…. ewwww subway stairs barefooted!!} only to realize when I FINALLY reached the top, that actually, I was never supposed to have climbed all that way in the first place. So, I turned around and clomped back down, slowing everyone behind me down I’m sure. Very embarrassing.

As it was rush hour (or rush 3 hours, as it were), it took me at least an hour to get back to the hotel. At which point all I really wanted was to pick up my computer at the front desk and crash on my bed for several days… but this was delayed when the dude at the front desk couldn’t be bothered to turn around and retrieve my bag without summoning a bellhop first. This took another good ten minutes. When he finally arrived, he couldn’t find my bag. Apparently they store bags in several different locations at this hotel. I was too tired to panic, and thankfully he did find the bag (right behind the desk all along)… but it was certainly a struggle to stay on my feet those last few minutes.

The best part of today was coming up with the title for this post. When I write my memoirs, don’t be surprised if this becomes the title to that, as well. Well, maybe we can work to transform that MISadventures into something more positive between now and then! Wish me luck!

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So today I flew from Birmingham to Atlanta to New York City. On these flights, I saw a great many interesting and unique things. I’d like to share:

  • I saw one of those unique people who must have been born with a blue tooth unit attached to their ear. This man was on a two hour flight with me and did not once remove this thing from his ear. That smacks of addiction.
  • One of the most awkward things I’ve ever seen was this poor man sitting next to me that honestly (and I’m not exaggerating here, I know I do that sometimes, but seriously, this is the truth) took five minutes trying to open a little bag of peanuts. He flatly refused to use his teeth (fine, I don’t really blame him here, with all the swine flu nonsense, but he wasn’t wearing a mask or anything, so surely he wasn’t a fanatic?). I tried not to notice. I almost volunteered to open it for him, but I figured he didn’t want my germs, either.
  • This Asian gangsta dude wearing his pants down below his butt showed me his boxers accidentally/on purpose: pink elephant boxers. How cool.
  • A morbidly obese, loud, and incredibly talkative film producer/director shared with me about a movie he just finished making: Blonde and Blonder with Pamela Anderson and that unsmart girl that was married to Charlie Sheen and had her own E! reality show… can’t think of her name, but it sounds like a truly inspirational film.
  • The Baron’s Baseball Team Mascot. In full costume, including the baseball head. On my plane. Very weird.

In such a manner did my entire day pass… it was rather surreal. I’d have to say I’m glad to be out of airports for awhile (not that long, I fly back in a week), but I have known New Yorkers to be just as oddball and surreal as my fellow passengers on Delta Flights 1690 and 1780, so maybe I’m in for more of the same.

Until I find the sanity and time to post again, Later, yous guys!