The Sale

I think I’ve made my disdain for the results of this garage sale quite clear on Facebook. I think now I’ll relate some of the funnier moments.

We had a few boxes that neither of us had gone through yet, but were somehow assumed to be part of the sale. I think we both figured there would be many items that people would just be dying to purchase. During the first slow periods of the sale — technically we had someone show up before it started so the first slow period was before 7am — we started going through these boxes. When I say we, what I really mean is Hubby. I was too busy obsessively rearranging and organizing the items we’d already priced. Anyway, I think he probably found three or four items worth pricing and setting out for sale. At which point we had about four or five more customers who all went through the still as yet unexamined boxes and found nothing to purchase.

By the time Hubby got back to the boxes, he discovered what our customers had likely found: among other things, an opened box of stool softener and a used can of jock-itch spray. Oh great! No wonder those five customers didn’t purchase anything! We look like freaks trying to sell used personal hygeine/health items. Yuck. And seriously embarrassing. Obviously it should have been more embarrassing for Hubby than for me, but I think he thought it was hysterical. Guys. Strange creatures indeed.

And then of course there was the obviously quite poor older gentleman who was considering taking out a loan to purchase our seriously underpriced riding lawn mower. Or his wife who seriously would have purchased every item at the sale if she had the funds. Or the adorable guy down the street who claimed to have more stuff than his house could reasonably hold, but instead of saying he should get rid of some of it, he said “I guess I need a bigger house!”

And that about sums up the funny parts of the day. There were funny in a sad way parts too, like how Hubby had plenty of time to take a nap on the sofa we were trying to sale that was on our back patio, and how I thought I was going to be so busy that I’d desperately need Dear Friend’s help and when she couldn’t come afterall (family deaths tend to drastically change plans), it ended up not being a huge deal. Funny-sad, right?

Anyway, round one is over… round two to come in a couple of weeks. Ugh.

 

Yard Sale Madness

Y’all, I’m having a  yard sale. Or a garage sale. Or whatever you want to call it. And I’m working a pretty stressful job at the same time. I’m thrilled that my sale is happening this weekend because I’m sick of it. It’s making me nuts.

Have a priced everything? Have I priced things so they’ll sell? Have I organized it prettily? Can I actually afford to have enough change on hand so I can properly run the sale? Does anyone want any of this stuff?

I’m actually having dreams about it. Nightmares, more precisely. There I am, standing in my garage with fifty strangers browsing through my stuff. All of a sudden, I realize there’s a giant spider in the hair of lady standing next to me. Oh. No. And then I realize that this spider is about to actually kill the only person who will ever be interested in buying all that NutriSystem food we bought and couldn’t force ourselves to eat. She screams. She runs. Thirty people follow her, sprinting down my gravel driveway. A child falls and his head falls off. People gasp in horror. Without even realizing what’s happening, the remaining five people have come up to me and reach into my fanny-pack o’ money and stealing everything I’m worth, which, sadly, isn’t much.

Thank goodness, I wake up. And then I realize all this madness is only days away and I’ve got waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to do before then. Oh crap. Gotta go, guys. I’ll be back when this madness is over!!