I’m watching the Bachelorette. I watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette for two reasons:

  1. These people are so stupid and naive that I can’t help but laugh at their drama and exaggerations and in-fighting and occasional psychoses.
  2. Observing romance is like crack for a girl. Why else would soap operas exist? Or, for that matter, shows like the Bachelor?

But this week’s episodes were heartbreaking. I don’t want to feel SORRY for this insanely lucky woman! I want to laugh at her idiotic choices!

Especially when my usually eventful and amusing life seems to have turned the corner into particularly unfunny and emotional in the past few weeks. There really isn’t a lot I’m ready to talk about publicly regarding this turn of events, so I’m not really going to get into it. But I will say, it ain’t funny. And that’s yet another reason not to talk about it much here. Because what else is this little blog but an attempt to entertain through laughter?

And what else is the Bachelorette but a cheese-fest of romantic nonsense? Heartbreak as a result of an emotional idiot (me, in my case, in case you were wondering) making poor decisions? Puh-lease. I don’t wanna see it, and I’m pretty sure you guys don’t want to read about it either.

I think I’ve made my disdain for the results of this garage sale quite clear on Facebook. I think now I’ll relate some of the funnier moments.

We had a few boxes that neither of us had gone through yet, but were somehow assumed to be part of the sale. I think we both figured there would be many items that people would just be dying to purchase. During the first slow periods of the sale — technically we had someone show up before it started so the first slow period was before 7am — we started going through these boxes. When I say we, what I really mean is Hubby. I was too busy obsessively rearranging and organizing the items we’d already priced. Anyway, I think he probably found three or four items worth pricing and setting out for sale. At which point we had about four or five more customers who all went through the still as yet unexamined boxes and found nothing to purchase.

By the time Hubby got back to the boxes, he discovered what our customers had likely found: among other things, an opened box of stool softener and a used can of jock-itch spray. Oh great! No wonder those five customers didn’t purchase anything! We look like freaks trying to sell used personal hygeine/health items. Yuck. And seriously embarrassing. Obviously it should have been more embarrassing for Hubby than for me, but I think he thought it was hysterical. Guys. Strange creatures indeed.

And then of course there was the obviously quite poor older gentleman who was considering taking out a loan to purchase our seriously underpriced riding lawn mower. Or his wife who seriously would have purchased every item at the sale if she had the funds. Or the adorable guy down the street who claimed to have more stuff than his house could reasonably hold, but instead of saying he should get rid of some of it, he said “I guess I need a bigger house!”

And that about sums up the funny parts of the day. There were funny in a sad way parts too, like how Hubby had plenty of time to take a nap on the sofa we were trying to sale that was on our back patio, and how I thought I was going to be so busy that I’d desperately need Dear Friend’s help and when she couldn’t come afterall (family deaths tend to drastically change plans), it ended up not being a huge deal. Funny-sad, right?

Anyway, round one is over… round two to come in a couple of weeks. Ugh.