I’m forcing myself to break the hierarchy at this very moment in writing this post. I have a to-do list. Frankly, scooping the litter box actually seems a bit more appealing than sitting down to write a post without the support of a funny experience or even the willingness to write my Justin Timberlake entry this early in my first month of forced writing. It’s too early to blow everyone’s mind with that comedic gold.

It’s funny to me how tempting working on my novel seems right now. I’ve been planning every morning to open it up each day, and each day I’ve forgotten to do it. There’s always something distracting me. But the moment I have a chore (or a blog entry) that seems less appealing, the novel makes an immediate appearance in the forefront of my mind.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to neglect my unsavory chore (or blog entry) and pick up the writing just because it seems like the easier and more rewarding option. Sometimes you just gotta do what’s got to be done. But…oh my gosh this is the most boring post I’ve EVER WRITTEN!

How ’bout some jokes to liven things up?

Oh, nevermind. I got nothin’. I’m not a comedienne. I’m a girl who gets herself into ridiculous situations then does something stupid in the attempt to extract herself from said situation. It’s a simple formula. Only something strange has happened. My life isn’t very interesting without a job. I guess there’s a small chance I’ve just stopped doing stupid things, but I know that’s not the case. In fact, one of the more stupid things I’ve done was screwing up my laptop and I only did that in the last two weeks. It just wasn’t funny stupid. It was stupid stupid.

Even the discovery of further proof that some animal is indeed living in my laundry room (aka, the magical squirrel) doesn’t seem like enough of a topic to carry an entire post. (By the way, the proof was in no way magical, because magical squirrels do NOT defecate.)

And certainly nothing I say about weight loss will be original, as I have posted on this subject more than once already. My Sister-in-Law suggested several topics in the comments yesterday for me to pursue, but I feel that in order to do them justice, I’d better hear her thoughts on them first. S-i-L is hilarious and should write a blog herself, but as she doesn’t, I will happily steal her funny stories. So no worries, S-i-L, I haven’t forgotten your comments. A Reporter Friend of mine gave me a topic to avoid, which is probably for the best. Just as no one wants to read about my stupid stupid computer woes, he’s right in suggesting that my inability to keep up with installation discs and product keys is not inherently an interesting subject. Thus, for the past two hours I’ve hemmed and hawed (what an awful expression) over what to write about. Pretty certain the resultant 550 words are not nearly as interesting as they could have been if I’d just taken my own suggestion and run with it.

Damn you, Justin Timberlake! Why are you the only thing I can think about?


I take it back! I take it all back. Well, except the baby parts. I definitely still want the baby. But there is really nothing else that could bring me more joy than being unemployed. Only now, at 5:30 pm, am I feeling a twinge of boredom,and though my computer is currently powerless (stupid cord), my cable package consists of Hulu (ie, I don’t have cable), my iPod (shuffle) ran out of battery weeks ago and I can’t charge it now my computer doesn’t work, I am still managing to avoid a nap or any real sense of boredom. How? I’m writing this blog entry.

With a pen and paper.

Yes, unorthodox, I know, but this was the only way to write for so long that I’m certain the ability is within me, somewhere.

Today has been blissful. Just before 10am,my computer died on me, but not before a quick check of the email and a read through of my favorite industry blogs. I’d just finished composing a lengthy response to a friend – a response I’m glad I now I didn’t put off because my power cord (only three weeks old) stopped transmitting power to my computer. I’m fully convinced the problem is not with the cord but with  my computer. Sucks.

Anyway. At first, I was devastated by the loss of my computer. Truly, everything I have grown accustomed to in my unemployment takes place on  my computer. Television. Web surfing. Reading and writing blogs. Chatting, Facebook stalking, obsessively checking my email, and, oh yeah, job hunting. What would I do  without access to my beloved computer?

I said yesterday that my house was clean. This true, with three exceptions: the two guest bedrooms and the guest bathroom. The larger of the two guest rooms is jammed with samples and crap I am for some reason unable/unwilling to part with.  The  second guest room is attached to the guest bath, where my three cat litterboxes live, and is therefore a large extension of  said litterboxes. Cats are tragically unable to keep their littler inside the box.  Super disgusting.

And so, today I tackled the guest bathroom. Those litterboxes are so clean you could almost  touch them without vomiting. I was aiming for ‘so-clean-I-could-serve-soup-from-them,’ but I think that was a goal that is just beyond reality. After that forty-five minute project, I committed myself to laundry, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping and wiping down countertops, and changing the air filter and hosing down the cat hair laden grate. In my already clean home. So this is how people keep their homes perpetually spotless! They clean something that’s already clean! Genius!

In between these feats, I read about eight chapters of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince while my cats dozed beside me on the sofa. I finished four loads of laundry. In general, I was more productive than I’ve ever been.

Clearly, the real problem in my life is the computer. I’m not going to lie…two days of this computer-free lifestyle may have me so crazy I actually CALL someone, but I’m afraid my computer is unwilling to cooperate until I get it to a repair shop. Very sad news.

So until then, I wait until Hubby gets home with his laptop to type this up and post it, and do a lot of praying that  God gives me the strength to tackle the main guest room tomorrow. Yeah, I know. Unlikely.

In the event that I fail tragically in my attempts at productivity tomorrow, be prepared. I may start ‘bored-dialing’ sometime around noon. Just send me to voicemail.  I’ll  forgive you.

The ol’ laptop had a meltdown this week, and so did I. The two were closely related.

Bright and early Monday morning (read: around 10AM) I discovered the backlight on my laptop monitor was not functioning. Meaning, I could not see what was going on on my computer screen. Meaning, I could get no work done. Fortunately email is universal and I could check that on my parents-in-law’s computer, but many of my absolutely essential daily files were unreachable on my pitiful computer. And my p-i-l’s (hahahahha, sorry that could become a very widely used pun — parents-in-law = pills? hehe! not that I think of mine that way at all, but I’ve definitely heard the horror stories) computer barely has internet. I’m not trying to be snippy or anything, they just don’t use those programs which are essential to my work: excel and word. So they don’t have them. And that limited my ability to get things done.

Enter the meltdown: I have no money with which to get my computer fixed. And I have fleas in my house that also cost money to be rid of. Must I choose between being able to do my job efficiently (or at all) and having a flea-free home? It’s an impossible decision. So I chose both. And (fingers crossed) I will just make some fantabulous sales this week. No problem!!

A woman can only be strong for so long. Sometimes she just has to have a little meltdown. This was my week of wallowing in frustration and near-fury. And depression and delicious food.

No need to feel sorry for me: my computer is well again, and the fleas are doomed to their destiny of chemical induceddeath tomorrow at 1pm. It’s under control, and I am mostly under control. I woke up at 6:15 this morning (heaven knows why, but I’ll take it), have my second load of laundry washing, put sheets on the bed, sent in orders I got earlier this week, washed myself and my ridiculously long hair (which, by the by, will be significantly shorter around 2:15 today), and I’m all dressed and ready for my 10:30 appointment, which doesn’t start for another hour. I’m on top of things, for once, so I’m going to keep up the momentum by posting here and then doing my  makeup before I scoot out the door.

Ta ta for now!