As previously announced, I am living single this summer. Also already suggested in this forum is that I live in a sketchy area. Putting these two factors together leads me to the subject of this post.

When my doorbell rings and I am alone, I do not answer it. Period.

Okay, maybe…semicolon. I do not answer it; unless I know you are coming. (I know, grammatically that is totally and completely wrong. Leave me alone)

So last night at like 5:32 (ie, two minutes after I’ve walked in the door), my doorbell rings. As I’ve had two minutes, you can believe I’m already into my pajamas and eating something. I ignore the doorbell and continue listening to my audiobook.

I’m sure it’s obvious to my strange visitor that I am here as my car wasn’t there all day and now is… but I don’t care if (s)he knows I’m there. It just gives my visitor the determination to ring the bell again a minute later. Again I ignore it. I take a bite of my “delicious” pizza Lean Pocket.

This time there’s a loud knock, as if the visitor is literally banging on my door (not knocking politely). I start to feel a little uncomfortable. I peek out my bedroom window to see a maroon SUV. I’ve seen this SUV in my driveway before, under similar “I’m-not-answering-the-door-today-either” circumstances. I can’t get a good view of the front porch from any of my windows (except for the transom over the door itself, which, come on, I’m not going to try and peek out of), so I have no idea who this strange visitor may be.

I do, however, have some guesses.

  • He wants me to pay him to cut down the large dead tree in my front yard.
  • He wants me to pay him to weed my yard or cut my grass. (‘Fraid not, friend! Hubby is due in to rescue me from yard work hell this weekend! Hooray!)
  • He wants to re-gravel/pave my crappy driveway.
  • He wants to take advantage of me and/or steal things from my house by overpowering me at the door (He will lose! Secret hidden weapon will prevail!).
  • He is trying to deliver me a pizza using the new Psychic Ordering System. In which case, I wish I’d answered.
  • He is mistaking me for my neighbors in attempts to obtain illegal drugs.
  • He is actually someone I know who has lost my phone number.
  • He is a former student making good on threats made two years ago. Sorry kids, my dog died last summer. You can’t kill him anymore.
  • He works for the Census Bureau and I’m illegally ignoring him.
  • He is proselytizing.
  • He is the person who broke into my house last summer and has come to return the things/money/gun he stole.
  • He is selling vacuum cleaners.
  • He is an undercover cop canvassing the neighborhood to find out where all the drugs are coming from.
  • He has noticed the family of chipmunks living under and around my house and wants to take them away and to a better place.
  • He thinks my Hubby is home and has had extensive conversations with him previously. Probably, this is it.

 Anyway, he didn’t get access to me or my house. Whatever the reason, he’s welcome to leave a note next time.

One other disconcerting knock on the door came from my back door a few weeks ago. I had ordered a pizza and was expecting someone to knock, obviously, but I wasn’t going to answer a knock at the back door when it was just me at home. I looked out the kitchen window at the car and it wasn’t marked from the pizza place, so I had basically resigned myself to not getting pizza after all and went back to the bedroom, when the front doorbell rang. He didn’t mention having knocked on the back door first, and neither did I. I got my pizza and went along with my life. But I was really freaked out by the incident. What stranger knocks on someone’s BACK door? That’s just creepy.