You know what’s the worst? Getting a bug bite on the palm of your hand. Why is that such a strange feeling? I can’t think of one good thing about a mosquito, but I can generally tolerate their existence unless they bite me on the palm of my hand or the soles of my feet. It itches so much worse and there’s no relief from scratching. Things just itch so much more violently on that skin. But seriously, is the skin on your palm different than the skin on the back of your hand? Is it the lack of hair?

And what could possibly be so helpful about the presence of hair when itching a bug bite? I don’t really see anything beneficial about hair in general. As pretty as my hair is, what’s the point? Sure, it keeps my head warm. But if I’m really all that cold, I still have to put on a hat. So why not forgo hair altogether and just wear more clothes?

Of course, we’d sort of lack that “human” look if we were completely hairless. Folks without eyebrows are just creepy, so if you take the rest of the hair away too, I’m guessing we’d start creeping each other out on a regular basis. And how would we know the difference between guys and gals? Well, okay that one would probably work itself out. For the most part.

But the point is, is something that appears to be purely decorative really worth the hassle? I mean come on, must I really spend half an hour every day in the care and maintenance of my various bodily hairs? If we just didn’t have hair at all, shaving wouldn’t be necessary. And who wouldn’t celebrate the end of that heinous tradition?

Of course, then all bug bites would just be the absolute worst. And the annoyance of shaving and styling may be annoying, but it’s way better than the worst!