This is a part of the story I’d almost rather not tell… which probably makes it the most interesting!

May I say firstly, teenagers are stupid. No offense, teenagers, I was once among your rank. I know it is positively impossible to behave any other way than how your hormones, your boy/girlfriend, and/or your rebellious nature tell you to behave. I’m pretty certain we’ve all been there, done that. However, I am fairly confident that a vast majority of the age-inappropriate activities that are engaged in by teenagers occur at places like swimming pools, where, while not always, you are sometimes managed by another teenager. It’s never a good thing when your superior is just as stupid and rebellious as you are.

I decline to discuss all of the hormone-inspired age-inappropriate activities that may or may not have occurred during my tenure as a lifeguard. As I believe I’ve said before, if you work in a bathing suit, then there are bound to be hormonal issues that arise among coworkers or with pool patrons. A few ground rules for those of you just starting your lifeguarding careers, however: 

  1. Make sure the object of your affections is at least close to your age. Guys, don’t hit on twelve year olds in bikinis. This is a bad idea all around.
  2. Make sure you get to know the parents of your intended date, especially if this date is a girl, is not a lifeguard but a pool member, and if she is under eighteen. This will save you a lot of trouble, since the pool members, in many situations, pay your wages and are thus your boss. You don’t want to date your bosses daughter, really, do you?
  3. For goodness sake, the clubhouse is NOT your private make-out room.

Now, with that covered, I’ll continue with some of the other age-inappropriate activities that I either witnessed or (as unlikely as it may be) participated in during my years as a lifeguard.

After the closing of the pool, sometimes guards would stay late and play. With all of the pool lights, clubhouse lights, and security lights turned off. As far as I know, nobody was naked, which is a good thing, but still, a pretty dangerous endeavor when we were supposed to be taking out the trash and scrubbing the toilets or, more likely, at home in bed. Obviously, this action was not sanctioned by the pool manager nor the pool board, nor our parents, so I’m pretty sure if someone had gotten hurt, there would have been jobs lost and cars taken away.

There was one minor occasion when a head lifeguard threw an unsupervised party at his(or her) home that involved underage drinking. This was, in general, frowned upon by almost everyone when it was inevitably discovered. Two guards called in sick the following morning, and one showed up to work completely hungover. These were fifteen year olds, mind you. Fortunately the head guard had the foresight to keep anyone who had been drinking at his(or her) home so that no one got hurt. But still… this probably goes down as the pinnacle of all age-inappropriate activities I observed as a lifeguard. (Note I use the word observed – yes, I attended the party. no, I really didn’t drink anything)

But in general, considering everything I experienced from the perspective of an adult who eventually wants to have children, the whole thing makes me very nervous. I’d have to say that if my children turn out anything like me, they’ll probably handle it all with grace and poise. However, they’ll have some of Hubby’s genes too… so I’ll have to think twice before setting them loose in this “free-spirited” environment (Just kidding Hubs – you have lovely, mature genes……) 😉

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